"I did some math over Fall Break... I calculated how many ladies I got."

"I was in a band in 4th grade. We had to break up when the lead singer got braces."

Breakfast

"Bagels are just naked doughnuts."

An End of an Era

Unfortunately, my time as a 6th grade math teacher is over. I am moving to another state to go to grad school, and I am leaving my hilarious students behind.
So without further ado, I give you my last blog post (for a while at least). Here are all the quotes that I can remember that haven't made the blog yet.

Edith (comes up to me with Elizabeth): Guess who is dating Tyler.
Ms. B: Ummm, hmmmm. Elizabeth?
Edith: OMG, how did you know?!?!?
Ms. B: Just a guess.
Elizabeth: Well, duh. It's pretty obvious. Everyone knows.
Edith: Everyone knows??
Elizabeth: Duh.
Edith: Does Tyler know?
Elizabeth: Duh.
Edith: [screams]


Mr. B (science teacher): Yeah, I am doing the P90X program, and I am supposed to go home and take pictures of myself naked from the waist up so I can see how much progress I make.
Ms. B: Oh, interesting. So you don't want to go to get ice cream with us?
Mr. B: Nah, I've got to take the nakie pics.
(Child walks by.)
Ms. B: Oh my gosh, I think that kid just heard you say that.
[one month later]
Ms. B: Hey, do you want to go to lunch with us today?
Mr. B: Oh, I wish, but I have to take nudie pics this evening.
(Child walks by.)
Ms. B: Oh my gosh, the SAME kid just heard you say that.


Madison: Ms. B, I like it when you wear purple. It makes your eyes stand out.


Victor: Ms. B, look at this place on my arm. (points to bruise-looking spot on forearm)
Ms. B: Wow, Victor, how did that happen?
Victor: I got bored at church so I gave myself a hickey.


Katie: [crying] Ms. B, I don't know what to do!
Ms. B: What's wrong?
Katie: My library book is over due!!!


Corvin: Ms. B! I met your friend Dr. Jones! She was my doctor!
Ms. B: Oh, really? Oh, Corvin, you are so lucky. Dr. Jones is so fun! She is one of my CLOSEST friends.
Corvin: [accusingly] She said you were her BEST friend.


Sam: Ms. B, I had so much fun on Pi Day! I went home and bought a pi t-shirt and pi ice cube trays!!!

Sandra: [to Mrs. R, another teacher] Mrs. R, you're so lucky. All the cool teachers eat lunch in your room!

Lunch

Mrs. R (coworker): Hey, Tasha, watch out! You're about to sit on my lunch! I don't want my lunch to taste like you!
Kenisha: Oooh, gross. That's nasty. Tasha tastes bad.
Mrs. R: How would you know?
Kenisha: CJ told me.

Friendship

Cindy: Ms. B, do you know Sue Ann?
Ms. B: Yes, she's one of my students.
Cindy: I just love her.
Ms. B: Yeah, she's really fun.
Cindy: She's my new best friend.
Ms. B: Oh yeah?
Cindy: Yep. Well, she had a crush on my boyfriend...
Ms. B: Oh! You have a boyfriend?!
Cindy: Yes. Do you know John?
Ms. B: Yep.
Cindy: Well, he's my boyfriend.
Ms. B: How long have you guys been dating?
Cindy: About half a week.
Ms. B: Oooh. Nice.
Cindy: Yeah, so SueAnn really had a crush on John, and I told her that I didn't want any hard feelings. I told her that I wanted her to tell me any time she had jealous feelings so that we could talk them over.
Ms. B: Oh, that's nice.
Cindy: Well, I just want to stay friends. I don't want him to come between us. We're just best friends.
Ms. B: I'm glad you're friends! What do you guys talk about?
Cindy: Well, we're both Christians, so we talk a lot about that.
Ms. B: Good for you.
Cindy: Yeah. And we also talk about John.

Gift

Regan: My boyfriend got me chocolates. It was so sweet of him. I mean, what girl doesn't LOOOOOOOOOVE chocolates?!?!?

Proper

Daniel [packing his bags; leaving class]: Thanks for the lesson, Ms. B.
Ms. B: Your welcome, Daniel! Did you enjoy it?
Daniel: Yes. [Begins to walk away; turns back around to say more.] Indeed.

A Joke

Kristen: Ms. B, you know how everything says "Made in China?"
Ms. B: Yeah?
Kristen: Well, God makes everything, right?
Ms. B: Yeah?
Kristen: So God must be Chinese!

Time

Sadie: Gosh, how much longer do we have in here? [Looks at left wrist where she has drawn an analog watch in blue pen.] Oh, good, it's almost time to go.

Love Triangle

Two students (male and female) begin to walk out of class together.

Another Student: Oooh, are you two dating?
Both Students: NO! YUCK.
[a pause]
Female Student: Plus, I've got somebody else.

Chivalry

In first block, there is a table of four girls and one boy. Jesus is the lucky man.

Jesus is a very smart boy with the sweetest disposition. He always holds the door open for his classmates, he speaks kindly to me, and he is well-liked by his peers. For the last month, I have noticed the cutest thing about him.

At the beginning of each class, he waits for Alexis (the girl who sits next to him) to walk in. When she comes to class, he pulls out her chair, waits for her to sit down, and then pushes her chair in for her. (As if they are at a fine-dining restaurant instead of Ms. B's math class!)

And some say chivalry is dead...

Seventh Grade Skeptic

A seventh grader walked into my classroom today.

Ms. B: Hi Evan. What's up?
Evan: I'm looking for my math teacher. Have you seen her?
Ms. B: I don't think she's here yet. Can I help you with something?
Evan: Hmm... well, I'm in Pre-Algebra. Do you know how to do that?

[Thoughts of Ms. B: Should I explain to this student that I have taken many many classes beyond pre-algebra? Should I try to explain Differential Equations or Non-Euclidean Geometry?]

Ms. B: Hmmm, Evan. It depends. Let's see.

Frustrated

In class today, I gave the students a brain teaser. Slowly, individual students began to catch on and they helped me continue to stump the rest of the class. I could tell many students were frustrated. After a few minutes of this, a student from the back of the room threw his hands in the air and yelled--

"EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER KNOWN IS A LIE!!!"

Dance Jitters

Nigel: Ms. B, I'm so glad I found you. You are just the person I was looking for!

Ms. B: Well, good. What's up?

Nigel: Umm, well, I was just, uh, wondering... Would you go to the DANCE with me this afternoon?

Ms. B: Oh, Nigel! Thank you so much for asking! I wish I could, but I have plans right after school, so I can't go to the dance.

Nigel: Really? Oh, man. Dang it. Now I don't know who to ask.

Ms. B: Oh, I'm so sorry, Nigel. ...

Nigel: It's just that... I've already asked the librarian, the nurse, and the lunch lady. None of them can go either.

Unusual Compliment

Daniel: [looking at the multiplication problems written on the board] Ms. B, you write really good X's.
Ms. B: Thank you, Daniel.
Daniel: How are they so good?
Ms. B: Years of experience.

Check Yes or No

My heart leapt as I intercepted a 6th grade love note yesterday afternoon.

It was a "check yes or no" type letter with a twist. It read like this.

Do you like me? Are you gonna start paying more attention to me?

[ ] Yes to both
[ ] No to first
[ ] No to second
[ ] No to both

How to Take on Embarrasing Situations

I was teaching class today when I heard a student pass some gas. As a teacher, it's your job to hold it together. When students ignore the flatulence, I'm really good at ignoring it as well. After years of practice, I don't even break a smile anymore. ... usually.

Today, however, a student right in front of me passed some gas. I was preparing myself to ignore it, when the student looked me straight in the eye, smiled a huge grin, and (without a hint of embarrassment) said, "I'm sorry." After that, he went back to work.

I laughed so hard. What an honest/funny kid!

Parental Involvement

Open House was last week. I met many great parents who have great children.

Close to the end of the evening, a woman and her son came up to me. She told me that her son had been worried about math class. I told her that I would love to meet with him about his problems in math, but he had to come see me and let me know that he was having trouble... otherwise, I wouldn't know.

At that, she had a big smile on her face and turned to her son:

"See, boy, that's what I told you! If you're gonna get help, you gotta HOLLA EARLY, HOLLA OFTEN!"

Introduce Yourself

At the beginning of each year, I play a name game with my students. The game is pretty simple: find a word that describes you AND starts with the same letter as your first name.
Me?
Bubbly Ms. B

Some students?

Rockin' Aneesha
Gliding Kim
Pharoh Chris

(What happened to starting the word with the same letter as your first name?!?!!)