Bacon

Kevin: How do you feel about bacon?
All: BACON?
Ms. B: Well, how do YOU feel about it, Kevin?
Kevin: It's really crunchy. But it's oily. But I like it.
Sonia: Yeah, when you're cookin' it in the pan, it's like, "Oh gross." But then when it's on your plate, you're like, "Oh, yum."

"THIS IS FOR RICK!"

When I teach the distributive property, I explain that it's kinda like a mailman visiting houses on a street.
For example, 3 ( 4 + 5) is the same as 3 (4) + 3 ( 5). The mailman is the number 3, and he has to go to both of the other numbers in order to get the problem right.

Ms. B: So let's look at this problem. Remember our mailman! (hand in air) Yes, Victor?
Victor: Ms. B, can we call him Rick?
Ms. B: Who?
Victor: THE MAILMAN!

[Two weeks later.]
Ms. B: (to the class) Guys, I need some help. Can someone come up here and explain this problem? I don't know how else I can explain it, but I need some help.
Victor: I'll do it.
(walks up to the front of the room)
Well, guys... I'm sorry to tell you... but Rick died. But you know who's still here?! HIS COUSIN PAT!

Equality

Kevin: Ms. Buxton! Guess what today is?
Ms. B: What is today?
Kevin: It's Asian New Year!
Ms. B: It's what?
Kevin: It's Asian New Year! Some people call it Chinese New Year, but that's not fair because we ALL celebrate!

Facial Tissue Worries

Dunn (holding the Kleenex box): Ms. Buxton, is this one-ply or two-ply?
Ms. B: Uh, I have no idea.
Dunn: Oh. (takes a Kleenex, looks at it) It's two-ply.

Blunt Honesty

Jacob raises his hand.
"Ms. B, did you not sleep last night or is that just make up?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've got big bags under your eyes."

I'm too old to be a teacher...

I helped a student with a problem on her homework assignment, and I wrote some of the work on her paper. After we finished the problem together, she erased everything I wrote and said, "It should be in my own handwriting. Just in case you forget."

Then, as an afterthought, she added,

"Not that you're old or something."

Learning About Each Other

The school's health class takes place during my room during third hour. Here's some things I heard the kids say while they learned about each other. (The assignment was the students cutting out pictures from magazines that said some things about themselves.)

"Can't a girl love nature? I'm, like, a nature LOVER over here!"

"I picked a picture of a walrus because I couldn't find a picture of a whale!"

"I think I'm hotter than Chris Brown."

"My face is as soft as a baby's bottom."